It's all Ancient Greek to me!

Through much consideration and observation, I have come to the conclusion that the female gender is bilingual. We are fluent in Ancient Greek!

My first observation was when I asked my children "who did this?" and they both looked at me, cocked their heads to one side and shrugged their shoulders. Then I noticed my husband seem to not understand when I asked him to take out the trash.

Through many years of observation ladies the following phrases and questions need to be translated to your loved ones for them to understand you and for you to not loose your patience with them:
"Is this your glob of toothpaste in the sink?"
"What is that under your bed?"
"Do not walk out that door." or "Do not slam that door."
"You bought it, you have to fix it or take it back."
"Get that animal out of my house."
"How did your bubble gum get into your sister's hair?"
"Who's wet towel is this on the floor?"
"The trash needs to go out."
"The (insert type of pet) needs to be fed."
Anything that starts with, "I need you to..."
These are just a few key phrases/questions that I have encountered during my research. I am sure there are thousands of other everyday phrases that we think we are saying in American English, but are being heard in Ancient Greek.

With my great revelation that I am actually speaking Ancient Greek, I have also concluded (or deluded) that I have a spark of the divine Greek Goddess within me. This could only explain how I know this language from antiquity!

Therefore I shall from henceforth demand to be treated with divine reverence! All bow down to the Goddess Smartassa! I want four well oiled muscular men to carry me around on a litter all day, as I am too divine for my feet to touch the ground. I will also have afternoon pampering to include: massages and mani/pedi all while drinking the finest wines and being fed exotic fruits and cheeses (all by my four well oiled muscular male slaves/pets). And before bed each night a long hot bubble bath where someone else shaves my legs for me...and can get that freakin strip I seem to always miss up the back of my left leg.

I declare that 10+ pounds over weight is now sexy and Goddess sized (sorry skinny bitches!) All menial tasks, especially cleaning the bathroom will be done by the non-Ancient Greek speaking peasants. I do reserve the right to cook, only when I want to and what I want to (cause sometimes I do like to cook). I will only wear loose fitting, flowing toga type clothing, not this knit crap Wally world thinks we all look good in...by the way we don't! No more constricting clothing and sexy lingerie is worn because I want to wear it not because I want you to tear it off me and throw it on the floor...I did pay good money for it, and spend quite a bit of time picking it out.

So ladies take your spark of divine Ancient Greek Goddess and run with it. You are speaking my language!

Your Goddess, Smartassa has spoken...now it's all Ancient Greek to me!