I forgot to read the fine print!

This was not the bill of goods I was sold! Oh he had a great advertising campaign, the advertising firm was top notch and they really did their job, worth every dime spent on them!

“He is the whole package, no upgrades required, he is the deluxe model…”

He is handsome, caring and kind. He has one of the biggest hearts you will ever find. He is loyal to those he loves. He is so strong, wrapped in his arms I will always feel safe. His smile and laugh are magical. And treats me like a Goddess in the boudoir, if you know what I mean. Ahhh life is good!

Then it happens…we decide to get married! I am over joyed at the thought, it actually surprises me that I want to try this again. But his advertising representative assures me that he is a catch. He was previously a good father and husband. And he has been so lonely until I came alone, his previous girlfriend was (according to the rep) less than nice or accepting to his family, which was a huge thorn in his side that eventually caused their relationships demise. I was a dream come true for them. A breath of fresh air, lighting up the room when I entered; so I was told. My head swelled with their compliments. His adult children seemed to like me, his toddler grandson liked me, my kids liked him…OK let’s do this.

So my second wedding, another court house nuptials for me…no fancy dress, but I did wear purple and have a pretty purple silk bouquet (made by me), our kids were there and a couple of friends. And we were married by a dear friend’s mom at the county court clerk’s office. It was Halloween so I guess I can’t complain too much. Which is my absolute favorite holiday, by the way.

Now after over a year and a half of wedded “bliss” my owner’s manual has yet to come via FedEx, UPS, or USPS. I don’t know what all these strange growls and long periods of silence mean. How do you work with the hard headed stubborn nature of an older model that is set in their ways. Flexibility…there is none! And what does the phrase, “you are just gonna have to get over it,” mean…does he not know women carry grudges forever and we drag up every thing they ever did wrong to us each and every argument, getting over it is simply not in our genetic make up. Obey was not in our wedding vows…hell even my GPS has a female voice because I don’t want a man telling me where to go…what chance does my husband think he has getting me to obey him (didn’t work to well for my father either! I am not the obedient kind.)

I do love him though, even if we had to move back to the tiny house with one bathroom…we now have 2 ½ baths for us, his daughter (23 years old) and her son (3 years old). Much easier to live with people when you can have your own toilet!

Since I had no manual to go by I got out my marriage license. Maybe for nostalgia, maybe for some hope, I noticed some peculiar marks, very tiny in one corner. I got out a magnifying glass…“Absolutely No trade-ins, refunds or exchanges”. OH SHIT! First rule of contracts, my first semester of business law came rushing back at me “Read the fine print!”

So the moral of my story…read the fine print before you sign anything and a good PR campaign can make anyone sound like the man of your dreams. Just pray when the goods are delivered that they are something you can at least live with and love, cause they won’t be the bill of goods you were sold.